There is a memorable episode of South Park from Season 4, episode 7 where the kids are debating in favour of and against changing the town’s racist flag. The KKK shows up in defense of the original flag, but end up realizing that any side they are on will lose public support because yeah…no shit. To counter this, Jimbo (disguised as a klansman) argues in favour of the new flag to try and sway public opinion back to the *ahem* “historical” flag. Now in probably unrelated news, Donald Trump recently stated in a Fox News interview that he’d prefer a Liberal government to run Canada. What? Oh my god! I better get off my socialist ass and vote for that fucking Keebler elf-looking dweeb with a Trudeau kink. That oughta show Trump and bring Canada back. Anyway, if it wasn’t clear from my delivery there, this is all a ploy. Let’s start with the basics, shall we? Pierre is falling in the polls because of several factors including, but not limited to, Elon Musk’s endorsement (among other right wing lunatics), Carney’s general popularity compared to Trudeau, and the fact that PP has slogans and not much else to offer. He’s gonna tax woke axes or something, right? Due to this decline, Trump and his closest grease-covered ghouls are panicking because Pierre was their chance to get whatever they wanted from Canada. PP was ready and willing to kiss the ring, and now this Carney guy is messing it all up! How does one counter this rising liberal menace? Mind games for everyone.

The reality is that most Canadians hate Trump and his cadre of weird, racist sex offenders. No one of common sense wants to be associated with that apart from your neighbour whose BBQs you stopped attending. Considering that reputation, an endorsement from said touchy feely bigot would be a death sentence for most political careers, correct? That’s what Don Don and his couch appreciating VP are playing at. After all, it has all worked before. Putin said that he would prefer Kamala and then so did Dick Cheney. Then she lost to Donald and he was elected again to the chagrin of every nation apart from mainly Israel and Argentina. Harris lost for other reasons too, but Putin’s endorsement was a key knife to the back. Circling back to PP, Trump’s people, conservative pundits, and CEOs are watching their Canadian altar boy falter in the polls, and with it will go their full economic domination over Canada. Now suddenly Poilievre is “not MAGA” enough for Donald, and “it’s easier to deal actually with a Liberal” See that, libs? Now you have no choice but to elect Pierre OR ELSE you agree with Trump. Checkmate, you sunk my battleship, Yahtzee and so on. Sure, Pierre is as likeable/qualified as string cheese you found behind the radiator after a grueling winter, but…but Trump is scared of him and just shaking in his little boots. I mean wouldn’t you be frightened? He doesn’t wear glasses anymore! Sometimes he snarkily eats apples while reporters ask weird, vetted questions. Jokes aside, Trump wants the little weasel as Prime Minister, but his endorsement, especially after all the annexation talk, is disastrous. That’s why Mark Carney gets it instead. Gotcha.

“bUt BuT hE nEvEr SaId He WaS pRo-TrUmP” PP uses Trump’s faux-populist playbook at every turn. Makes up nicknames (albeit Trump’s are catchier), constant slogans, voting against working class solutions/safety nets, keeps MAGA people in his party, panders to the far-right, hypocritical Evangelicals, Israel etc etc. So yeah, not saying it outright means basically nothing without a track record to back it all up.

Will this work? Maybe? There’s a chance that some fence-sitting Libs will fall for the con and switch their votes. Hardcore Conservatives were already on the PP train and choo chooing away so there’s no real change there. Then there are the 51st State-supporting Canadians who are already packing in case Trump returns their increasingly desperate and/or horny phone calls. This tactic will likely not work for the majority of Canadians. It’s a pretty transparent strategy even for him. Hell, I could be wrong and everyone’s actually a fucking dumbass, but I’d like to have some hope that we are, at the very least, smarter than Donald Trump. I don’t even like Carney all that much, but Pierre is not the answer to threats from the USA. I don’t know if anyone running is the answer, but most definitely not a guy who associates with conspiracy-riddled/anti-2SLGBTQIA+/anti-immigrant dickheads, is beloved by both Canada and USA’s right wing “news” outfits, and one who has MAGA people working in his party. Like…come on now. In conclusion, don’t buy into this bullshit. Use your frontal lobe here and we might get out of all this unscathed. Pretty please. Rant over. Thanks for reading as always. Solidarity, my friends.